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The Story of Durka Durka Mohammed
Durka Durka Mohammed was born into a poor goat herding family in Kandahar, Afghanistan. At an early age Durka was diagnosed with what the local doctor called “Camel Spit for Brains”. Durka’s family was ashamed of his condition, so they kept him confined to their goat farm. This was fine with Durka Durka because he loved goats… a lot.
When Durka’s father caught him finger banging the clan’s prize war goat Penelope Anne he had had enough. He took Durka Durka to Kabul and dumped him on some Christian missionaries who took Durka back with them to the evil infidel land of America.
Tragically soon after returning to America, Durka’s adopted parents simultaneously committed suicide by repeatedly stabbing themselves in the back with a scimitar, and then lighting themselves on fire. Durka used the insurance money he collected from their deaths to study at the prestigious Riyadh College of Veterinary Medicine, were he received his masters in goat science.
It was during his time in Riyadh that Durka feel under the tutelage of the brilliant Imam Haid D’Salaami. He taught Durka of the dangers of the female flesh, and how as Muslims it was our duty to constantly be on the lookout for sinful female sexual expression.
After college Durka was ready to settle down. As a virile Muslim and competent cocksman it did not take long for Durka to acquire his first wife, the exquisite desert rose Ermina. However, there was no happily ever after for Durka and Ermina, as one day Durka returned home early from tending to his goats to find Ermina reading a People magazine. Of course Durka had no choice but to stone Ermina to death right there on the spot.
Durka swore to avenge Ermina’s death by destroying the poisonous celebrity culture that had killed her. So Durka traveled back to America to the heart of the beast in Los Angeles, and formed the holy Islamic extremist gossip site msuvao.ru. The rest as they say is history.
msuvao.ru In The News
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|A holy Islamic extremest celebrity gossip website… showed their true feelings about women saying, “Kate Upton is a woman and thus livestock”. It is safe to say we won’t be visiting that site anytime soon.|
|Celeb Jihad bills itself as the only celebrity gossip site run by Islamic extremists, The joke is not funny. The subject is not funny. The story is not true.|
|Taylor Swift is on the offensive against Celeb Jihad, The satirical tabloid seems to be offering a compromise to Ms Swift. They have posted a response saying Celeb Jihad will take down the photo if Taylor converts to Islam.|
|Taylor Swift has just declared war on the website msuvao.ru|
|There is a website called Celeb Jihad… and basically the headline says “Kate Upton Naked Outtakes”… Posting fake nudes is a shameful filthy uhh how naked we talking here?|
|The website Celebrity Jihad published this photo of Megan. That is clearly her head, but the image continues way south so you’ll just have to use your imagination for the rest.|
|Kate Upton has yet to be photographed in the buff despite Celeb Jihad posting alleged nude images of her… You know that is a fine line though. Do you really want to draw that much more attention to it? Then people want to go look for it. I have never even heard of that website. Well now everybody has. So it is a win for them.|
|We both like this website. I find it fascinating. As far as I can tell it is Durka Durka and he is a Jihadist. He really is a celebrity Jihadist. It’s addictive, you can’t stop looking at this stuff. It’s homophobic and it’s racist. But I believe its all done from a (and I could be wrong) but I believe it’s all done from a good spot. It is super funny if you look at it from that way.|
|Topless photos of a woman who looks like Swift were posted on a website called Celeb Jihad, Taylor Swift I believe 100% did not pose for topless photos.|
|There was this huge new rumor going around that I got arrested a few days ago for lighting a raccoon on fire. And they had all the paperwork and the documents that I was arrested [laughs]. It was just so bizarre. I don’t even know where they came up with that. It was like in Compton, too. I don’t think I’ve been to Compton.|
|The piece cited by Sullivan was in fact a satirical work from a site called msuvao.ru, which mainly features softcore celebrity porn.|
|The doctored images on Celebrity Jihad include a few lines of description, one says: ‘Megan Fox appears to pose naked in just a pair of high heel shoes in the sl***y photo.’ It continues to add more grubby captions with words we can’t bring ourselves to type. One image on the website is of Megan while she was pregnant with her baby boy, cruelly accompanied with the headline, ‘Megan Fox Looking Fat In A Bikini’.|
|The website, which bills itself as “Explosive Celebrity Gossip From Islamic Extremists” posted a statement confirming it had indeed received a letter from Watson’s attorneys… “There is no word yet on whether Emma had her legal team attack this holy Islamic celebrity gossip site to protect her reputation as a supposed ‘good girl’, or simply because her boobies are so damn cock-eyed.” A rep for Watson did not immediately return a Daily News request for comment.|
|The notorious celebrity gossip website Celeb Jihad has been the bane of female celebrities, constantly posting their nude images and videos on the site. But that is just the tip of the problematic iceberg that Celeb Jihad has become.|
|This law office represents the recording artist Justin Bieber. We recently became aware that the website “Celeb Jihad” has posted an “article” relating to our client. The text of the article alleges that our client is “the 16-year-old child prostitute who allegedly had sex with Lawrence Taylor.” Your posting of this article is libelous and malice.
Justin Bieber’s lawyer
|A weird web site says it has a nude photo of Taylor Swift, and the country star is not amused, the web site offered a “compromise” to Swift, perhaps in jest, saying they would take down the image if she converted to Islam and sacrificed a goat. It is doubtful Swift and her attorneys find this amusing.|
|Taylor Swift is prepared to go to war with a website called Celebrity Jihad.|
|The fact that someone would create this type of satire is a little unsettling for many.|
|There is some crazy rumor that I killed my dog. What a hurtful rumor! I would NEVER dare hurt my baby Rocky or any other animal!!! What’s so awful, is they made up this same exact rumor last year, that I stomped a dog to death! People are so cruel! This is not true!|
|A tabloid site called Celeb Jihad, who has published what it claims to be a “leaked” topless photo of her, The site in question has not removed the photo yet; instead choosing to put up a news item stating that Swift is furious with and “waging war” against them. If Swift is indeed furious over this incident, she’s doing a fine job of hiding it.|
|In a statement to E! News, a spokesperson for Celeb Jihad confirmed the legal threat, and then said that the site would acquiesce to her demands—if the singer agrees to convert to Islam. Really. “We are 100‰ serious about removing the picture if Taylor Swift agrees to convert to Islam,” the site’s spokesperson tells us, adding that the site may seek its own justice under religious law. “We have yet to hear back.” Somehow, that doesn’t seem surprising.|
|Megan Fox has gone to war with a website that faked a photo of the actress totally naked…Celeb Jihad published the nude snap on Saturday, claiming the actress had stripped nude to show off her post-pregnancy body|
|msuvao.ru, which appeared to be a funny, if unsubtle, Bieber satire.|
|A spokesperson for Celeb Jihad confirmed the legal threat, adding that the site would remove the picture—if the singer agrees to convert to Islam. Needless to say, the photo remains.|
|Celebrity Jihad has yet to remove the image. In a strange post this morning, the Web site wrote, “Unlike the heathen savages in America, us Muslims are a loving and peaceful people. With that in mind we here at Celeb Jihad have decided to be the bigger man, and compromise with Taylor Swift in regards to our topless picture article that she is so upset about. We will remove the article if Taylor Swift simply agrees to convert to Islam , Taylor we eagerly await your response to our most generous offer. Allahu Akbar!”|
|Megan’s legal team fired off the cease and desist letter to a parody website called Celebrity Jihad — after the site published a shockingly good Photoshopped pic last week, depicting Megan’s face on a naked chick’s body.|
|The utterly bizarre site Celebrity Jihad posted a picture of a topless blonde woman with the headline, “Taylor Swift Topless Private Pic Leaked?”, Celebrity Jihad is now offering to take the photo off — if Swift “agrees to convert to Islam.” She will also be required to “sacrifice a goat and devour its entrails,”|
|Celebrity Jihad, posted a picture of a semi-nude woman claiming it is most likely Taylor. The photo shows a blonde with long, curly hair that the site says ‘bears a striking resemblance’ to the country cutie posing on a bed with the caption ‘Taylor Swift Topless Private Pic Leaked?’|
|Fox, 26, is reportedly threatening to sue parody website Celebrity Jihad over images it has posted online, allegedly of the actress in various stages of (mostly) undress.|
|This law office represents the recording artist Justin Bieber. We recently became aware that the website “Celeb Jihad” has posted an “article” relating to our client entitled “Justin Bieber Mocks Homosexuals”. Your posting of this article is libelous and malice.
Justin Bieber’s lawyer
|A spokesperson for Celeb Jihad told TMZ: “While we appreciate Megan Fox’s concern for her image, we find it hard to believe that a woman who spent two Transformers movies bent over with her breasts pressed together could have her reputation damaged by a blatantly satirical website.”|
|msuvao.ru seems to specialize in softcore celebrity porn.|
|Almost a week ago, the blog Celeb Jihad did a satire bit mocked up to look kind of like a New York Times article.|